TMA 01 - marked

 I think many of us was very inpatients, curious and a little bit scared in the past few days... Of course... Our first assignments were due to be marked.

  I was one of THOSE people who were refreshing theirs OU website very 20 minutes on the 25th of Feb, hoping that her mark will be there. I wasn't aware, that our tutor has 10 days to mark it, plus all those posts on my facebook, people saying : Oh, I had my TMA marked! - wasn't helping. 

So what did I do?  ( if you are reading it : Please, DO NOT DO IT AT HOME, as it is not safe! :D ) 

I have e-mailed my tutor.... Basically saying : 

- oi! where is my mark ! 

 Of course, I've written it in more polite way, but the principle of the message were the same. I WANT my mark! Guys... Don't do that.... EVER.... I am sure I was marked down 5% because of that :D ( that was a joke! ) .

 I had e-mail back of my tutor explaining that they have 10 days to do it, and she usually waits but she will mark it today for me........ Yes, cold sweats, hearts palpitations and a word : f***! came out of my mouth very loudly. 

Very quickly I have send her a message back, apologising and explaining my rudeness! I was telling her about my lack of knowledge about those 10 days, and I was making sure that she will know, that I will not do it next time... Still.... those bloody 5 %.... I am almost sure... Just can't prove it...lol   

 Now seriously, between me and you guys : I have a lovely tutor. 

 I am always looking at this the way I am looking at any kind of relationship : 

- It will take time to get to know each other, to be able to know what the other person wants from us. 

This is so important to remember, especially when it comes to a relationship you have with  your teacher. Doesn't really matter ig you are a student, in primary school or on your A lvls. If you don't know your teacher, you don't know what they are looking for in your work. And this can never work. 

 So back to my mark. After an hour, I had an e-mail from The OU, saying : 

- Your TMA was marked.

tam, tam, taaaaaaammmmmmm ( very dramatic music). 

I've logged into my account and there it was, staring at me, smiling and almost saying : 

 Hello, is it me you're looking for????   'Cause I wonder where you areAnd I wonder what you do...

( as my favourite youtuber says : 'whatsupp lyrics references!!!' I am so cool sometimes I could die! lol )

 Now,  I've read a lot of comments about, how students feel; about their marks and tutor. I was involved in lots of discussions, debates.  So hold on for a sec, bear with me and try to follow as it might confused you.

 I will not tell you what mark I had, not because I am ashamed of it , I just don't feel that it is my place to post it. There might be some people who have lover mark and feel uncomfortable about me, moaning about my score.
So lets just say my mark was XY%

 I passed.

And I can't help myself but think :
 I am NOT happy with my mark!

I was aiming for a higher mark that I had. I am not going to lie to you, I was bloody disappointed...

 I thought to myself if I can't achieve A on this essay, the easiest one, first one. How the hell am I going to do it with the hardest one?

 Few thing you need to know about me  : I am a planner and I have to feel in control, I am also very ambitious.

That was what use to keep me sane. I was an A* student, I had scholarships and that was one of the things which was keeping me safe. For those who read my personal post, you all are a little bit aware of my life, for those who haven't you can find it here. Throughout my childhood I was proving myself that despite what my mother says, I am good at something.


 'Thanks' to that I ended up being a control freak lol It is helpful from time to time, for example I came to this country knowing only three sentences :
- Sorry, I can't speak English.
- F*** off
and :
- Don't touch me like that!
:D
  Yes... I know.... I use to walk around with a pen, notebook and a dictionary. If I couldn't explain something, I was simply drawing it.  I remember my first phone call to job centre, I had to apply for my NIN, I was sitting in my kitchen with a dictionary, laptop ( google translator) and I was arguing with  a lad on the phone that I do not need a translator, and it is his damn job to talk to me in my own speed and bear with me. I've told him that if he can't do his job properly he can put me through to someone who can.
We've talked for over three hours.... But! I did it. I've managed to tell him exactly what I needed, without having to talk to someone who would translate it for me. I was very proud that day.  I wanted to learn to speak. I mean, I LOVE to speak! Living in a different country and not being able to understand 'local people' would kill me! lol
 I don't understand foreigners who live here for 5 to 10 years and they can't speak.  I feel ashamed when I am meeting a Polish person, they live here, but they ask me to translate for them.  I did, at the beginning, but then I've realised something: You, Brits are lovely people. If you could, you would give your heart away, but sometimes you are too nice! Because you are making it so easy for others, making them feel welcome and doing the 'job' for them, you are enabling them to bloody learn.  To whichever office I went, they were passing me a piece of paper with translated question, they've need to ask me. What was their surprise, when I was pushing it away saying : Thank you, but I am fully capable of speaking to you in your language. I am in this country five years now, and people who just meet me are still surprise that my English is SOOOO good. No, it is not. You are not praising yourself for being able to speak, don't praise us. ;)
 English is so hard to learn, that's true. It is like you just love making your life difficult for yourself :D But it is not impossible to learn. ;)


So, back to my original point when I saw my mark I burst into tears, run to Matt ( my partner) and said to him :
- I shouldn't study, I am just to stupid!

 He read my feedback, saw my mark, shook his head and said :
- You're one, crazy lady/
lol Yes, I love him too.... I needed that, to be honest I felt sorry for myself for two days about that mark. I was going over my assignment, reading it, analysing it and saying to myself :
Why the hell I haven't had an A?!!!

I wasn't blaming my tutor.  How could I ? It was me, who was writing it, not her. She just has that unpleasant job where she has to mark me.
  Like I've mentioned before : I've read loads of things about it. People were upset with their tutor, because they were marked down. The were upset with other students because they were having higher score than them, but they were still unhappy about it.

The thing is it doesn't really matter if you have 38% or 75% - You are allowed to be unhappy with it, because each one of us has different ambitious, plans. Someone can score a B, but they wanted to have an A. You had a C and can't stand that someone is moaning about B? You would kill for a B? They should be lucky?
No. This is not how life works. So what that you would love to have B? Maybe, just maybe they want to have the best score because in their head that's what they can do.
I use to hate when someone was saying to me :
- Oh, you know you should be happy with your mark, I had only 'bla bla bla'.
I don't care what you had! It doesn't make me feel better. I want a bloody A!

And again, if you are happy with your 38%, because you were sure you will fail big time - good for you!!!

I guess what I am trying to say is ;
Don't go to hard on other people, don't blame anyone about your first score.

No one can help you with it, and your mark is equivalent to your knowledge, maybe next time you can work a little bit harder on your essay structure, or understanding the question.
 That's why we have a feedback from our tutors, to learn, to get better.

 Doesn't really matter if you are jealous, or you think your tutor marked you unfairly.

I've spoke yesterday to one of my 'module' friends, we both were unhappy with our marks, and help each other to go through the 'FIRST MARK'.
 We felt sorry for ourselves, we've support each other.  ( Thanks B ;) )

I think it is really important to take your first mark easy. On the end of the day, some of you haven't done any uni writing in few years. Personally I was studying with a brick uni last year, but I didn't knew what OU is expecting from me.
 Most important : talk to your tutor. The are the one who can help you improve your work, help you understand.

 From here we can finally start. We have our first feedback, we can learn from it, we know what to look for in our next assignment. Plus by now I am sure every one of us has made at least one uni friend, so we can have someone to rant to. :)

I hope that all of your marks, are a starting point for you, and I am sure you've all done the best job you could at the time, and now you can only get better.
And if you are absolutely happy with your mark : Well done!!!!!!! High five!!! :)

Sorry if today post was a little bit chaotic, I have teeth infection since Friday, I have flu since yesterday, I had a phone call from my Gp saying that on the top of Ankylosing Spondylitis and Fibromyalgia I have Restless Legs Syndrome ( another non-curable condition) and I have phoned my mother, which never makes me feel good, yesterday I've overdone with my painkillers, so I had a 'date with my toilet' - basically I've spend most of my night with my head in it. My poor dog was shaking and freaking out, not knowing what the heck is wrong with me. He have spent the whole time with his head on my knees, he would leave my site. Matt was out so I had to call him and ask him to come home, which always makes me feel rubbish ( I hate that I am the reason that he can't have an evening out, without worrying sick about me)...So as you can see I have a lot on my plate right now... I am hoping to feel better soon thou :) I so don't like to giving up....